Whether you have been in a relationship for years or have gone out once or twice this is not a good sign y’all! RED FLAG!!! I promise, I’ve been there so take my word for it!
Now for everyone who is already mad and saying that sometimes people actually are busy, let’s take a deep breath.
I’m not talking about the people who every now and again are actually doing things in their lives and can’t make time for dates. I am talking about the people that are already saying they are booked before you tell them what day you want to go out!
Me: “So what about..?”
Her: “No I already have plans.”
Let’s Break this Down Into a Few Categories!
1. You’re a Backup Plan
If someone makes plans with you and often cancels then you may have to consider that you may be a back up plan for them. They don’t mind hanging out with you, but they will always be looking for something better to do.
And you can bet money that if they find something better they are going to drop you like a sack of bricks!
Here’s what I do in this situation!
Step 1: Have them make the plans! (It is really hard for someone to say they are busy if they are the one that decided on something.)
Step 2: Always plan over text! (In person people make plans all the time that they have no intention of seeing through. Text allows the person to think about it, check their schedule, and you have a paper trail for the next step.)
Step 3: If after you have followed the first and second step they are still backing out of the plans that you make together wait until the count hits 3-5. This number will vary based on you, but around this point I am super annoyed with the other person. The fact that we have made the plans over text lets me see how often they cancel and makes it much harder for me to make excuses for them.
Decisions must now be made!
Step 4: Once you are sufficiently sure just ask. Weird right? I bet you were thinking I was gonna say ghost them or hit them with some sub-tweets! Nah let’s try some good old fashioned communication. When I have done this in the past I have found that it is good to be very direct!
Also do this in person if at all possible!
My go to line: “So I’m not sure if it is just a coincidence or if you are intentionally doing it but I feel like you blow me off a lot. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to hangout with me but please just tell me that because I don’t want to pass on plans with other people if you don’t actually want to hangout.”
Obviously tweak this to your situation, but in the past this has worked for me.
This usually leads to 1 of 2 things.
- Either you stop dating/talking/being in a relationship.
- They make more time for you and you feel like your time is much more respected.
In both of these scenarios at least you aren’t wasting your time anymore! People wasting my time is one of my biggest pet peeves!!!
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2. They Don’t Want a Relationship
Remember how we were just talking about communication? It is soooo important when you are interacting with people. As far as I know most people can’t read minds so open and honest communication is the only way we have a chance of making this thing work.
If the person you are trying to hangout with doesn’t want to get more serious with you they might start to blow you off. This can happen after some big changes happens in the relationship. For example the first time you sleep together, or the first time you meet their friends and family.
Being afraid of relationships is not unheard! I have avoided relationships with people that I liked before. The important thing is that they be honest about what they want, and you have to do the same.
Be clear about what you want and ask them to do the same with you! That way you will know exactly what they are thinking and you will know where you stand.
3. They are Too Busy For You
If someone is NEVER available, it isn’t that they lead this super human life where 24hrs a day 365 days a year they are saving the world. They’re just too busy for you!!!
We are all busy, even the laziest among us is busy being lazy! I know this because I take my lazy time very seriously. Have you ever heard someone say that they are too busy to do everything? No, because that’s not possible you have to be doing something. Even just sitting down in a field is something!
It’s about priorities!
Priorities are the determining factor in what we are, or are not too busy to do. When someone ALWAYS tells you they are too busy to go on a date with you or hangout with you they are saying, “At any given time that you ask me to hangout I would rather be doing something else/ something else is more important than you.”
But it’s much easier to say, “I’m busy.” Eyebrows are starting to raise, you’re getting it.
Now I know some of you are still saying to yourselves, “No, Jeff you’re wrong he actually is busy all the time!” or “She is just really into her career right now but she cares about me a lot!”
The thing is he wasn’t too busy to go out with the guys, or go to the gym, or read his favorite book after school. And she wasn’t too busy to practice for an interview at work, or draw, or go out with her girls.
All I’m saying is that when someone CONTINUALLY tells you they are too busy to hang out with you listen to them because what they are saying is that, “Whatever I am doing is more important than you!”
“At any given time that you ask me to hangout I would rather be doing something else/ something else is more important than you.” -The J-Free
Note: This is NOT me saying you should always be the #1 thing in their life, but at least for me if I am constantly making time for someone I better rank in their top 5 a good amount of the time. You have to find what works for you!
4. They Are Too Busy For a Relationship
Ya know…there are some people out there that are too busy for other people. Some people just don’t want to be in a relationship so they a lot that time to other endeavors. If you are texting someone like this or somehow dating them then you might want to go ahead and let them go.
This doesn’t have to be a mean or bad break. They know they are too busy, you know they are too busy so why not try again after some things change.
Don’t try and force the relationship because you never know, maybe sometime in the future both of you will be in a more compatible headspace!
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The Good News
Now you know! And like the old saying goes, “Knowing is half the battle!” Now let’s talk about the other half…
You put this information to work for you if you feel like you might be caught in a continuous loop of “I’m Busies” then you break out of it. Now that you know you can save yourself from it! If you see a friend getting trapped then you explain it to them or you send them over here to my site and I’ll take care of it!
We gotta stick together out here y’all! Dating and Relationships are not easy!
Check out some more of my articles here!
I want all of you to have this info so you can find someone that does have time for you and can make you a priority because you’re worth it! I know I am!
So what do you think when people tell you that they are busy all the time? Is it a red flag or something that is completely normal? Have you ever blown someone off with an “I’m busy”? Do you think I am spot on or totally off base? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!