Break ups suck! There’s really no way to get around this… I recently had my first official break up, so I’m kinda an expert in the subject! So let’s dive in!
1. Go Through a Break Up
This step is pretty straightforward…
It is gonna be pretty hard for you to get over a break up if you haven’t gone through one. I suggest a clean break*, but there are some people who say that being friends is the way to go…do you! Either way you need to break up with someone or get broken up with to continue from here so get to it.
In all seriousness this can be something really difficult to go through. I just recently found myself completing this first step…and it sucks! We dated for about 3 months. I’m sure to some of you that doesn’t sound like that long, but this was my first official girlfriend.
Going through this, as well as other heartbreaks in the past is the reason that I wanted to write this article. Maybe some of my tips can help you out, and if you know of some different/better ways you can let me know in the comments!
We are going to get through this y’all!
*Clean Break: When negotiating the terms of your break up, a clean break is when you both decide that you shouldn’t have anymore contact. You don’t message each other, no calls, and most of the time you delete them from your phone and social media so you aren’t tempted to reach out.
For some of the reasons that I think people should break up see the related links below!
2. Get In The Feels
I didn’t think that The Fault in Our Stars was that great of a movie, but one line was very good, “Pain demands to be felt!”
You have been hurt. I don’t care who you are, what they did, or didn’t do, someone that was a part of your life is gone. That is a pretty sad thing in most cases. Even if they were not that great towards the end of the relationship. They were probably doing something right at the beginning because you decided to put a label on it.
There is no need to pretend that you aren’t bothered by it. If you feel like you want to cry then cry. If you need to go take a long drive, do that. Let yourself feel these emotions, burying them is not going to help you move on.
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When my last relationship ended it was very cordial. We both felt like we should end it because we wanted different things. I don’t think that I want to get married until about 30 at the earliest. I also plan on doing quite a bit of international travelling between now and then, so any “long term” girlfriend I have would have to be “ok” with that.
She seemed to want someone that was looking to settle down in the near future… that’s not me.
At first, I thought that because it was what I wanted that I had nothing to be sad about. I went on this way for about a week before it hit me that, “damn this still feels bad.” We weren’t mad at each other or anything, but I still lost a good friend. Something happened and I wanted to tell my friends and realized that (because we decided on a clean break) she wasn’t on that list anymore. It took a little while to get completely over it probably 2 weeks after that realization.
Also don’t think that being over them means you will never be sad about it again. I still have bad days where I think about trying to get her back. For me “being over it” is when I remember that romantically we just aren’t compatible, which is why I shouldn’t try to rekindle the relationship.
3. Surround Yourself with Friends
It is really important that you don’t isolate yourself! A lot of people instinctively isolate themselves when they are hurting or not at their best. Some people (like me) push people away if we think that we are anything less than 100%.
I am working to convince myself of this all the time, but if your friends only want to be your friends while you are at 100% then they aren’t real friends. Real friends are the ones that are willing to help you when you are down. When you are trying to get over a break up good friends will be instrumental in your healing process.
Having someone to talk to about all the things that you are feeling can be the difference between getting over your break up the right way, or doing it the wrong way. What might sound like a good idea to you might not be the best course of action.
For example you probably should not go egg and toilet paper your ex’s house. Talking this through with your friends will hopefully lead you to reconsider this course of action…
…On the other hand, they might buy the eggs and toilet paper and drive you there, like my friends would lol!
When you are in a relationship it is important to strike a balance between your partner and your friends. They are both important so you should never kick your friends to the wayside just to spend more time with your partner.
It is so easy to get caught up in a relationship. I’ve definitely been guilty of it and so have some of my friends. You get to the point where that other person becomes your whole life. If those relationships end they are usually the most damaging.
I think that the most important thing in any relationship is that while you are with someone you still retain your individuality. Just know that you still need to be able to be “you” without them.
4. Remember What Made You Happy Before Them
Relationships can be great. It can be really exciting getting to know someone and getting closer and closer to them. The endorphin rushes can be out of control! So when you break up it is pretty similar to a drug addict suddenly stopping cold turkey. You will without a doubt have some relationship withdrawal.
While you are going through your withdrawal symptoms try not to focus too much on the pain. I said earlier that you need to let your feelings be felt, but don’t wallow in grief.
I know that right before I started my last relationship, I was trying to find a rock climbing gym and also thinking about moving. Being in a relationship kind of made me lose my focus on those things that I really wanted to do! Now that I am out of that relationship I can be a little selfish and focus on living my life just for me.
I think I am going to find a rock climbing gym within the next 2 weeks and I have started applying for jobs all over the world. So it might take a little while to remember, but there are things in your life that can be great regardless of your current relationship status!
At the end of the day you are the one that has to live this life so make it a good one.
5. Don’t Immediately Look for Another Relationship
It is very tempting…
Veeeeeeeery tempting to try and find another relationship to fill the hole after a break up. Why not just save yourself the weeks of introspection and crying every time you see a happy couple? You could just get into a new relationship and everything will be back to normal right?
People go into relationships for many different reasons, but this is not a good one! If the only reason you want to be with your partner is so you don’t have to think about someone else than you aren’t truly respecting them. You are using them!
A relationship should not be what makes you whole. They take a lot of work and if the two people entering into it are giving less than 100% (maybe 85%) then it can’t work. If you are using the other person to make yourself feel better you are starting your relationship on some very rocky footing!
Look at you, you made it through your break up! You’re stronger for it. At the very least you learned something about yourself, or the type of person you want to date. The single life is waiting for you my friend, and it is a great place to be I promise you! You can be 100% your own person!
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As always I want to hear your thoughts! What do you do after a break-up? Did I miss anything on my list? Let me know in the comments below!